you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
