Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
