Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
