everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
