Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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