i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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