Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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