Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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