She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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