i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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