my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
