she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
