It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
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