So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
