We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
should my penis look like a turkey
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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