You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
