Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Randomize
