best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
