so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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