theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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