90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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