I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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