Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
