Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Randomize
