I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
