I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I booty called her while she was in labor.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
