i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
