so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
