I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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