Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
