She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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