I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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