hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
