I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
