she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
