...so i touched it.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
