Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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