yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
