who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
