idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
