You were right. It hurts to walk today.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
