Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
