Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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