wat bout pragnant strippers??
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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