toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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