I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
