whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
