you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Randomize
