Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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