Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
