Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
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