so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
