Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Randomize
