I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
